I think I should spend more time alone than with other people because there are things I need to figure out. What I actually want. There's things over my life that I need to process emotionally and mentally. Like so many things have happened that probably traumatised me and I've been bottling them up. so it might be a good idea to stop distracting myself from it. Probably the reason Ive been so upset lately is it has been bubbling to the surface lately because I'm not so dopped up on medication. The medication was making it hard to feeling things so i was numbed, and now i'm just overwhelmed with things.
I think I use things like chatting to escape from my problems. Though at the same time it's stressing me out. I dont think I'm the most social person. I never was, but for some reason lately I've been wanting to, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's from years of isolation? As social beings we crave to be social i guess,though some of us are introverted so cant be social absolutely all the time.
right now i'm sitting in a park, i hear crickets, the grass is over grown and there's mosquitos flying around me. I should come out here and sit out here more. i feel more relaxed since i sat out here even though I've been mostly writing this. maybe i should sit and hang out for awhile until its time to go inside again. and maybe i should spend more time alone and less time 'around' people. At least not the wrong people. i got to learn who are good people to hang out with and who arent. Something i shouldve learned years ago.
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