My confused sexuality

Even though I'm technically bi because I like both sexes, I tend to stick with men. Sometimes I think I'm totally gay but some women I find really attractive. Though I'm afraid to talk to women except in a friendship sense because I'm not sure how to have relationships with them or being sexual with them. That might be because of past experience like rejection. But also it may be because of my gender issues. 

Even though I dont identify as transgender, because I think transgender ideology is nonsense, I do have a lot of fem aspects to my personality. It's to the point people in the past like women I've met said I was like another girl. It's been with me since I was little. 

It's my belief that our gender is determined by what we were assigned in the womb. Whether I like it or not I'll always be a man. I'm happy with that. Even though I believe these things I dont feel any disrespect towards transgender people. It's their body they can do what they want but I feel like they're making a mistake. 

That's another reason women tend to not like me in a relationship or sexual sense because they get turned off by my personality because I dont know how to behave like a typical man. In some ways my parents treated me like a little girl. They let me keep my hair long. I kept my hair mostly long until I started going bald. Not that I was trying to be a girl, I just liked it that way it felt natural. 

Sometimes when I'm looking at videos of attractive women, be it animation or other stuff  they're dancing in alluring ways sometimes I feel ashamed and have to click off it. I only can get off to porn if there's a dick in it. Otherwise I just feel bad. Even though I often get turned on by women. In this psyche rehab there's a few women i find very attractive and I sometimes get erections looking at them. 

Another reason I cant have relationships with women or have sex with them is I dont make the first move most of the time. I'm afraid to, especially with women. I tend to wait until someone comes on to me. 

There's only a few circumstances where I've made the first move and that's with men. Women I never made the first move, so with women I am mostly a virgin. I never had sex with a women. I did finger one once but I didnt feel comfortable having sex with her. We kissed and I fingered her.